On November 4th, 2016, I turn 49 years old and it is totally freaking me out. This surprised me because I was sure that “50” was going to be the hard one for me. Nope. Pretty sure this is it. So, before I get into my thoughts and feelings about turning 49 I want to clarify a few things:
- I DO appreciate the fact that I’m alive and healthy
- I KNOW it’s “just a number”
- Please….no clichés about “50” being the new “30”, etc.
- And please don’t say “wait until you turn…..(insert age). Let’s just deal with 49 shall we?
I see turning 49, and subsequently 50, as the entry way to getting old. I’ve always vowed I would not be the person who tries really hard to look 18 when they’re 50. It look silly. On the other side of the coin, I don’t want to look like I just graduated from the Catholic Women’s League (no offense to anyone who is a member). It’s a balancing act of trying to look put-together without looking overly made-up.
I want to ease into old age as gracefully as I possibly can, but I’m not even sure what that means. At the moment, I’m letting my natural hair colour grow out just to see what colour it actually is! I’d forgotten how black it is! Yes, there are some silvery wisps but (surprise!) I’m not minding them so much. They’re sort of pretty and I think I damn well earned them. I’m sure at some point I’ll colour my hair again but, for now, let’s just see where it goes.
There are deeper lines and wrinkles on my face and even that isn’t bothering me so much. It just shows I’ve lived. I’ve laughed. Cried. Screamed. All of the things that make us human. So what is it exactly – I wonder – that’s bothering me about turning 49?
Let me break it down into the UPS and DOWNS. This might help bring it into perspective:
Turning 49 – the UPS:
- I know who I am and I’m confident about that.
- I’ve worked long enough to establish my career and I’m planning my retirement in about 6 years.
- I’ve raised an amazing son.
- Earned a ton of life experience (divorces, deaths, betrayals, sickness)
- I’ve got passion for things I love like running and writing.
- I’ve got Mike! Where was he 30 years ago? He is the man of my dreams and he treats me like the queen.
Turning 49 – the DOWNS
- Mood Swings. I seriously started to cry at my desk this morning for NO reason.
- Thick white chin hairs. What? They’re even thicker than normal hair so when you pluck it out it feels like yanking a stick out of your skin.
- Irritability. When I was in my 20’s, I’d say, “Frig man! What’s the matter with that cow?” Now I am that cow and I totally get it.
- Wrinkle-knees. My skin is starting to wrinkle around my knees!
- Turning 49 makes me think of 50 and that makes me start estimating how much longer I have to live. As Crystal – my niece – says …one more year closer to the BIG dirt nap. Thanks Crystal
Well, I guess the lists are pretty balanced. I guess I’ll go fill up my coffee cup, get some work done, and think about cake. That’s right. I love cake and I better have a really nice one for my 49th! Something rich and chocolatey with a ton of frosting! hahahaha
BYE for now.